Day 31

Here it is.....the last day of the first month of my diet and things have been looking up weight wise, but then I just had an interference of everything.  I did weigh in today and I didn't lost the 5 pounds I wanted, but did lose 4.  I didn't get to go yesterday to weigh in cause of my lack of car and my work, but I did get to go today.  So for the first month, I am down a total of 19 pounds.  I cant complain, I feel good and ready to get the rest off.

(continued)
I went to the ER about 6am since before that I had went to Walgreen's twice for some kind of medicine relief and it wasn't happening.  I get there and they get me a room and it seemed like forever before I got any medicine.  I understand the whole process of just not giving me something and trying to figure it out, but I was in so much pain and so weak that I was about to throw a fit.  Finally they came in there and helped me and I got some fluids, pain medicine and nausea medicine and then I finally could sit down.  The worst of it all was the pain in the back and then the soreness of my stomach and not being able to get comfortable in any way I moved.  I couldn't sit, stand, lay down, nothing!! I was all over the place and they knew it, cause even when they switched nurses, she had said I was all over the place and now I was sitting in the bed.

I just thought my hiatal hernia was flared up, but she kept pushing on a certain spot on my stomach and thought it could be the gallbladder.  I knew it wasn't the gallbladder, because this all felt like I did before when my hernia was inflamed.  She still proceeded to order an ultra sound and what do you know......I need my freaken gallbladder out.  I don't have time for this.  This is the second time, (first time was appendix a year ago) that I'm sitting in the ER pissed off, because I need to work and provide.  I don't have a mate to lean on and to take care of the stuff I cant.

They did say that it wasn't an emergency surgery and so they released me.  I'm sitting here now, in a bit of pain drugged up, but still living.  I think the first thing that came to my mind was "how am I going to work out?".  I knew the recovery and soreness from surgery it was going to delay me from not going Ham in the gym.

Well, right now I'm on the Barat diet, with just applesauce, bananas, toast and rice.  I'm okay with it and I really don't know if I'm going to get my gallbladder out soon.  I'm going to more details of that in my other blog.


So this is day 3 of not working out and even though I REALLY wanted too, I need to be smart and listen to my body.  My body is SUPER sore, like I was in a car accident, because of all the throwing up, heaving and inflamed gallbladder.

Please say a prayer for me.....I hope that I can live with this for awhile, until I can afford surgery and be able to get off some time to recover.

I still really want lose weight and get healthy and I just don't want this to set me back from getting to my goal.

I did take the last picture a few days ago, so it wasn't a Thursday picture, but I'm glad I did, cause I don't feel like doing it all now.....so this is the first month!!

What I think is crazy is how I look fatter on certain weeks than the week before, lol.  But its all a working process.....

Day 30

Today was a bad day!!!  I woke up feeling fine, went and made me a salad, with lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, cheese, lean turkey and ranch.  I had made 2 bowls of that and then I had 1/2 a pint of Rocky Road. 

The night before, I had Taco Casa and when I went to the gym, I felt so sick that I couldn't even work out. 

I came home today and was so hungry that I admit this and I really doubted doing this for a while, but I made me a frozen pizza.  I had every intentions on eating half of it, but then I pretty much forced myself and ate the rest.

Later that night, I was so miserable and mad at myself that I made myself throw up.....but that went down hill fast.

I ended up throwing up for the next 5 or 6 hours non stop.....ending up going to the emergency room.....

(to be continued)

Day 29

I'm going to go ahead and blog for today, because I'm catching up and don't want to fall behind again.  So today I have eaten my other half of my sandwich, the pickle it came with, and my cookie.  That's really it, so I know I need to eat some more.  Ive noticed the pictures on the treadmill haven't been the best and I'm not breaking my goals again.  I hate to throw in an excuse, but I don't bust it all out now on the treadmill since I have been doing other things.  I'm still getting my cardio, still going up to 15% incline, walking fast and the same ole stuff, but just not pushing myself all the way.  I don't want to get tired or sore and then hurt myself in the 30 minute workout.  Either way I'm working out and burning more calories the way I'm doing it now and I'm working on my muscle tone and doing different types of cardio, working out different parts of my body.

Ive been finding some people on facebook that has transformations of their body and its good to watch and see how they are doing things.  I love the little graphics of motivation that I have been reading and wanted to share some.

I do have plans on working out tonight, since I cant tomorrow, cause I close at work and well.....I don't have a car to get there and its okay to have a day of rest anyways.

Tomorrow is also my weigh in day.  I'm not sure how I'm going to get there or if I will be able too, but I do hope I can and will.  My goal last Wednesday was to lose another 5 pounds.  I'm not sure if I made it or not, but I do hope it went down some.  I do look forward to weigh in days, even though when I get there I get nervous to see the results.  I do have a fear of gaining weight or working my butt off and losing like a pound.  I know it will happen one day, but I cant give up and still strive to reach  my goal! :) 

I know I do have a push-through-the- pain mindset.  I know when I workout, I tell myself one more, or 3 more and you know what?  I'm still alive and I still am put together.  I have noticed, I have been pushing myself alot more lately and I have to literally walk it off from the pain that I am driving myself too, especially with weights.  I feel GREAT after a workout and I love that feeling of accomplishment.  I also have been stretching alot lately and can tell I'm more flexible and that feels good too!

I hope if anyone is reading this that is trying to lose weight, that this blog is help or encouragement.  I know alot of times, its just a repeat of my daily life, but I do know I'm going to have to switch it up soon, because I know my body is going to get used to this workout.  I try and tell my friends that are on this road, WE CAN DO IT!!!  and TO LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!!!  I don't compare myself to anyone when I'm at the gym, because I am me, and I push myself to what I know I can handle.  Just because the person next to me, is better or stronger, or less or weaker, doesn't mean anything to me.  I used to compare and have competition all growing up, but now for once, and maybe because I'm doing this for me, I really am comfortable with myself and my weight and really wanting to change it.  I know I said I'm comfortable, but I mean that I am okay with telling everyone that I am 248 pounds, because I know I wont be for long!!! :) 

Day 28

I only ate half the bowl of cereal and gave the rest to my grandpa

This was my day......all that I ate and what I worked out, plus the circuit room and back and leg room.  I had a very stressful day yesterday, but a good work out makes me feel wonderful.  I actually look forward to working out, its just when I'm on my treadmill, sometimes the time slows down and I get bored, but I push through and then feel wonderful afterwards. 

I did find a mirror in the girls room yesterday that looked kinda rigged, lol....meaning I think it makes you look smaller than what you are, but here some photos of that....oh and don't mind the flooding of my pants, SINCE THEY FREAKEN SHRANK.....oh well :)

Its all a working process.  I do have to say which kinda lifted my spirits a little was when I walked out of my house yesterday, the neighbor across the street was talking to my grandpa.  He looked at me and yanked his head back and said, "wow, you lost alot of weight", I smiled and said, "just 15 pounds."  He said, "well whatever your doing, its working."  I enjoy hearing people tell me they see a difference.  It really does make all this hard work, determination, change of lifestyle worth it.  I really in my heart want this to be something forever, not just temporary.  I want to eat better, eat more often, eat better proportions and workout, but yet know my limits on having an "off" day and not feel guilty about it. 

When my friend and I went to McAlisters to eat, I had such a bad day that I just wanted to indulge and not care about it all, but when it came down to ordering, I got my usual, which ended up being not so bad.  I only ate half the sandwich, my bowl of soup and some tea.  I did buy a chocolate chip cookie, but didn't eat it and brought the cookie, pickle and the other half of sandwich home for the next day.  I was surprised how full I was and didn't push it.  We did workout about an hour after we ate and I was bloated and miserable almost the whole time.  I really have been trying to eat 2 hours before I workout.  Sunday night, I was actually really hungry and had an empty stomach while working out which wasn't good either. 

Its all about balance, knowing your body, and dedication!!

Day 27

My weekly calander

This is what Sunday at 11pm looks like

Only 35 min because my freaking heels decided to break open again

I like this machine, works the back, legs and stomach

And on top of my bad day......my head phones got caught in a machine and broke

Hello old sores AND NEW sores,  :(

Yeah....totally not cool

Today wasn't a good day for me.  I found out I needed to put my car in the shop, I had to work on a Sunday, I found something bad about a friend, I broke my head phones at the gym and I rubbed my heels raw all over again.  I did work out as best as I could with my heels late Sunday night, but had to cut the walking down.  When I got off I wrapped some paper towel in my sock above the sores to help it, it still hurt, but I pushed through.

I did do the 35 minute treadmill, 30 minute circuit and the legs and back and for my menu that day was:
3 eggs
2 biscuits
milk
bologna sandwich
vegetable thins

Not the best, but we all have days like that!!! :)

Day 26

My veggie soup, when I just started it!

Those crackers are unsalted and for 5 its still 60 calories and 100mg of salt.....smh

 This machine above is a death machine....I have almost passed out twice from it.  I do 50, 50 pounds on each leg, but I know its what I need to work to get my "fat pad" above my butt off.  I dread it, but at the same time look forward to this machine everytime.  I'm dieing when I do it, but I can feel it working and so its like a little high with me.

Today, all I had was 3 bowls of soup and water.  I'm getting to the point where I'm dreading eating again and have to FORCE myself to eat.  I would honestly rather feel like crap from not eating, then to eat.  I have been like this for a long time, but don't understand why I struggle with it.  Its not that I think I'm going to get fat if I eat, I just have no desire too.  I KNOW I need to eat in order for me to lose weight and so its a battle that I deal with.  Working out, eating better, no sweets, I mean those are things that are easy to me.....eating is the hard part.  

I have this new little regimen that I have been doing.....I have been doing the hour treadmill, 30 minute circuit that consists of cardio and weights and then to the Leg and Back room, which has 4 machines I bust my butt on.  I know soon I will have to change it up, but until then, I have enjoyed working hard and sweating like a pig in the gym.

Day 25

I made vegetable soup today and took pictures, but I'm sure I'm going to be eating that again tomorrow, so Ill put it on there, because frankly.....I don't want to load them up on my computer tonight!!!  I was doing so good and then I went to Cheddars tonight and had Nachos which I shouldn't of ate all of them and now I'm stuffed to the hilt and I'm annoyed at myself for doing that.  I also had a strawberry shortcake shooter, which is annoying, but oh well.  I mean the worst I can do right now is stick my finger down my throat and get rid of it right?

I do have to admit, eating better has gotten easier, even though I just said that above right?  It really is though, but eating all the time is getting annoying.  My friend came over after I went to work and she measured me....it has been a month and I really wasn't looking forward to it, but it needed to be done.  She measured, wrote it down and then told me the results.  I can proudly say, from the measurements we had, to of now.....I am done 5.5 inches.  I forgot to measure my thighs last time and so we did them now, but have nothing to compare....

December 25, 2012
Arms L:14
Arms R: 14.5

Boobs: 50
Under boobs: 43.5

Waist: 54.75

Thighs:

Butt: 54.5


January 25, 2013
Arms L: 13.5
Arms R: 14

Boobs: 48.5  :(
Under Boobs: 44.5 (we think she mismeasured the first time, cause why would that go up, when everything else went down?)

Waist: 51.75

Thighs L: 27
Thighs R:28.5

Butt:52.5

Total: 5.5 inches

So my nightmare is coming true and that's my boobs are slowly going.  Ill be honest and say that I can tell a difference so far.  I freaken hate it....I have debated on whether being fat with boobs, or smaller with semi no boobs....I just think boobs are sexy on a woman and it makes a woman feminine.  At the end of the day, I want to be smaller and more content with myself, so I guess we have to sacrifice and boob jobs are an option right?

So I can say this is my first measurement and it excites me to see results, just like losing 15 pounds so far the first month has helped motivate me.  I am scared to when the results slow down and it gets harder to see results or see the inches and weight go down, but I guess that's something I will have to face when it gets there.  Right now, I'm just going to keep staying focused on what I need to do to get this weight coming off.

Day 24

I wont lie and say I didn't want to do anything today, it was going to be an easy day, cause I didn't work and I thought about doing the garage, but didn't get too it.  I was sitting on my bed today and it dawned on me about 3ish that I want to go to Zumba!!!!  Then as it got closer I was making excuses in my head and the lazy side of me was coming out.....but my will power and drive over succeeds that and so I went.  I wont lie and say my calf's were burning and I was pouring with sweat, but felt great when it was done.

I came home and ate dinner before going to Planet Fitness.  I made my goulash today, which isn't the best, but I don't think its the worst and I had good portions of it for lunch and dinner.  I was on fire, but then as I came home and ate dinner and was watching Wheel of Fortune with my grandpa, I really started thinking, maybe I should just stay home since I did get a work out in, but when my friend texted me, I instantly got ready. 

When we got there, I knew I wanted to go an hour on the treadmill and then do the others.  I know I need to work hard on my cardio, because I want to lose weight and I really want to lose 5 pounds by next Wednesday, so I can lose 20 pounds this month.  Not many people are saying they see a difference and I really don't see it either, but I do see how my clothes have been fitting differently.  So we do the treadmill and then we did the 30  minute circuit room the right way and I was pouring with sweat, literally.....then it was off to the Leg and Back room, which I worked out my inner thighs, butt, back, and I don't know what machine its called but it works the butt and my fat I have above my butt......I do 50 of those each leg and they KILL ME!!!

I got done, came home, showered and ate a protein bar with some orange juice......feeling great and I'm glad I didn't quit or I didn't back out....I went, I pushed myself and I feel amazing!!!!  I want to do that everytime!

My friend told me that my pictures are dark and that Im wearing all black everytime, so you wont be able to tell, and I did think about that, but I didnt know what else to do.  I have pics of me in my bra that my friend took that I want her to do every 25th with  my measurements, which is tomorrow!!!!

Being goofy!

Busting a sweat

This was cool......even tho the first time I went to fill up my bottle, I didnt see it, lol

Im leaving and of course, there isnt anyone on the treadmills!!!

Day 23

Today was a long day at work.  I was doing some back exercises the day before, which I moved up to 70 pounds and then I think I slept weird and THEN, I worked and literally stood in the same spot, leaned over in a weird position for almost 8 hours.  I get off work, go weigh in which I can proudly say I lost an additional 5 pounds, so I'm down 15 pounds to date and then went to the grocery store.  My legs ached so much and I hated that and wasn't quite sure why. 

I was honestly surprised that I lost 5 pounds because I wasn't eating like I was or exercising like I was.  I wasn't eating my 3 meals, 2 snacks a day and I had some days where I splurged.  Also, I wasn't doing my cardio like I was at the gym, but moved to more muscle exercises.  I don't know, but I'm not complaining at all. :)

For lunch, I didnt really have groceries to bring anything to work, so I brought 2 hot dogs on whole wheat hot dog buns and a strawberry yogurt.

I'm back on my diet and bought some good stuff at the grocery store.  I actually looked on the back of almost everything and looked at the calories, sodium, and serving size and I put alot of stuff down and put it back up, and said NO! 

I got these little Luigi frozen ice snacks, which are a good little snack with like 60 calories and hardly any sodium, for a good little fix.  I am not a big sweets eater and I have wasted alot of sweets cause I get my fix and then I'm done and don't want anymore. 

I have come to the conclusion that I'm going to eat some stuff that isn't the best for me, but if its something small and in moderation, then its going to be okay.  I got some wheat bread and bologna (yes I like bologna) and then some Vegetable Thins to eat with them.  I ate that for dinner and it was so yummy.  I also have cut back on alot of sugary drinks and I noticed a big change just in that.  Ive almost finished 2 32 packs of water in less than a month.  I get some energy packets, which has 5 calories in it and then put it in there, about mid day and I'm good and its tasty.  In fact I bought like a 20 pack for a couple of bucks at Walmart with mixed flavors and so I get surprised every time I grab one and go for the day.

I do need to start back on my workout and I want to go to Zumba more for my cardio.

Eggs and Jelly

Look how much chips were in the Vegetable Thins.....they dont play around, lol

Such a yummy little sweet snack with only 60 calories

Day 22

Woke up today and told myself it was going to be back on the diet, so I got up and cooked some chicken, steamed broccoli and brown rice.  I really need to go to the grocery store, but I hate going, so I keep putting it off and so I really don't have alot to chose from, my refrigerator is bare. 

I actually cooked enough for it to be my lunch and dinner, so I had both.  I also worked out tonight.  I did a mile on the treadmill and then did the 30 minute circuit weight machines and then my back and leg workout machines, those are my favorite now!!!  I also then got back on the treadmill and cooled off walking.  I wish I went harder and longer tonight, but I still feel weak and sluggish and so I don't want to push myself to where I'm out for awhile, it was just one of those things where I listened to my body.  I was sweating really bad and my heart rate was up, so I knew I was doing good.  I came home and had some more water and a protein bar.

Day 21

I woke up today, lazy as all get out....in fact, I stayed in bed all day.  I thought I was coming down with something because I just had no energy at all and I know the sickness is flying and I havent gotten it yet, so basically, I have just been waiting on my turn.  I woke up, not wanting to cook or anything and so I just grabbed the chips and salsa from the other day and ate that.  Then for dinner I had 2 chilli dogs with cheese and then late at night I was craving ice cream, so I went to Dairy Queen and got a Peanut Parfait and 3 tacos.....I know, I know.......HORRIBLE!!!! 

Im human...I know Im going to have those days, but I know its when I get back on track and do it right thats whats going to matter.  Ill be honest.....I had shared that I started my monthly, but it was a week early, that I never had my regular PMS symptoms that I think my whole body got out of whack and now its getting back to normal. Oh the joys of being a woman.....grrrrr...

Day 20

I sure am glad that I write down what I do, because I fall behind on blogs, I would never remember.  So I do have to admit that I haven't been being the best at eating lately, but I expect me to not be perfect all the time and eat what my body wants.

Today, I ate a good breakfast and then after church ate Long Johns.....I knew it was all fried, but it sounded so good.  My friend and I went and took pictures so we did alot of walking to random places and climbing up stuff.  Afterwards we went too Atlanta Bread, where I was proud of myself and got nothing to eat.  I think sometimes just being tempted and saying NO, can be a good thing and good progress.  I sat there as she ate and we talked.

The good thing about the Pecan pie, I just took a bite and gave the rest to my pops!

Day 19

I need to get used to eating 3 meals again.  It is just SO HARD FOR ME!!!!!  I know it might sound crazy to some people, but it really is....this was my day....

Woke up around noon
ate leftovers from the day before (Logan's)
7ish ate one Ham sandwich from Arby's
10ish ate from Orange Leaf

That was my food for the day!!!!  Its horrible....just horrible.....I mean, I'm sure I didn't take in my calories that I should, but it was just not keeping my body full of fuel.  I know people might look at Orange Leaf and think FAT!!!  but really, I got the No sugar added, low fat chocolate and lactose pineapple with mostly all fruit or nuts and coconut on top, WHICH IS WAS DELISH!!!!!  Just what my body needed!!!!

I did go HAM on my workout tonight and worked parts of my body that haven't felt a good workout in awhile.  I also went 10 minutes on the elliptical, but I do miss my cardio hour on the treadmill, I only did that for like 10 minutes to get warmed up before we went on a million machines.

Day 18

I cant really remember this day, its already day 19 and so much unnecessary drama went down that I can feel my blood sugar rising.

I woke up and ate breakfast and went to work.  I was so tired from being on the monthly that I came home after running some errands and fell asleep.  I woke up hungry that I ordered me some chips and salsa from Jalapeno Tree and ate that.  About an hour or so later my friend wanted to know if I wanted to do anything and so I said yes of course and we went to go get her nails painted and then went to Logan's.  That was like my first big meal out since my diet, but I think I did good.  I had grilled chicken teriyaki  and a salad and also a veggie skewer of just onion and zucchini, I did have sweet tea though. 

I put it in my head that I was going to work out, but I ended up not going and just took the day to rest after we got home real late.  I did get me a new heart shaped cereal bowl at Target that my friend Rebecca picked out.....I loves it!!!

I'm sorry this blog isn't going to be long.....my mind is somewhere else, which I'm sure I will vent about in my other blog....you can check it out there.

Day 17

 UGH.....I hate looking at these pics and its embarrassing....but the truth is....this is me....no hiding....but I can say that I'm working on it and that's what counts right now.  I hate how I carry most of my weight around the belly area.  The truth is, I don't carry alot IN my belly, it goes around to my sides and I call it, "my tire", cause it just goes all the way to the backside.

So here's the deal.....when I was at work last night I started my monthly....I TOTALLY wasn't expecting it, but the more I thought about it, it made sense.  I usually always have PMS symptoms for a whole week with numerous things, but this time, I had like a few for only like maybe.....48 hours the most.  I know I said in the previous post about me starting to be in a rut, when really it was the monthly.  It made sense to why I didn't want to work out, because my body was tired from it, and also why I was craving all bad foods....because its all from the monthly.  I was actually 6 days early, so that's why it threw me off too.

Yesterday morning I had chocolate milk, which I never have, nor do I ever want, which makes sense because its chocolate, and I always crave chocolate before I start.  Last night I didn't have dinner, but I did eat the peach pie, which is sweet (monthly) in the freezer and beat myself up for eating it....not really in high calories, but ALOT of salt.  I didn't workout yesterday either because I was tired and crampy and wanted to just rest since I was opening the store the next day.  I know during this time, I need to eat the foods I crave because it doesn't last.  I'm not going to go pig out or stop my diet or just eat junk food, but if I want something sweet or chocolate, I'm going to do it.

I'm still struggling with eating all the time....I'm leaving out a meal all the time and even in between is hard.  I made myself today at work eat a yogurt and I wanted to throw up.  I'm just not an eater and its aggravating.

So I'm hoping, fingers crossed, that a part of my weighing in the day before was part of some water weight that I always get before and during it all.  Who knows....a girl can hope...until then, I literally almost fell asleep just now with my head on the desk, then someone messaged me and it dinged and then I had my hand on my phone and it vibrated so I need to finish and lay down....but I guess we will see the weight next Wednesday!

Oh and these pictures are of me VERY BLOATED....like I was miserable and had spanx on last night at work and still was pooching out there....